


When You're With Me, When I'm With You

by sweetpeachowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Homesick, M/M, Maybe a little angst, not really sure tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 11:22:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15218090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetpeachowell/pseuds/sweetpeachowell
Summary: Tour is tiring. Dan is homesick. Phil takes Dan home.





	When You're With Me, When I'm With You

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to write this for a while but I never really knew how. I did it in an hour so maybe I'll rewrite it properly one day. Also warning, it's hella corny folks.
> 
> \- sweetpeachowell

The tour bus trudges down the twists and turns of American Roads, the moon overcast by clouds, and the air muggy and humid in the summer heat. Inside, despite the constant motion, the atmosphere is still. Dan stares at the ceiling, his bones and muscle tired and aching, desperate for the restoration that slumber will bring him. But his mind, Dan’s mind is far from dreamland. He’s homesick. It’s the small things he misses; his piano, the view from their bedroom window, the smell of their bedsheets and the scent that his candles leave in the air in their apartment.

Dan loves being on tour, he loves seeing the world and he loves seeing the people who have helped him be in the position that he’s in today. Mostly he loves that he gets to do it all with Phil, Phil who’s soft snores he can hear in the bunk below. He knows that he wouldn’t be able to do any of this without him. He just wishes that they had more time to themselves. In the months since they’ve been on tour, Dan’s felt more and more exposed. Yes, he loves giving content to their fans. He loves seeing their reactions to the most simple of things that they post. He loves giving them what they want.  But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t wish that sometimes he and Phil could shut themselves off from the rest of the world and just…be. He finds himself longing for privacy.

In that moment, with the soft glow of the light next to his bunk and the shuffling sound of his boyfriend moving in a deep sleep, Dan feels guilt press down on his chest as tears spill over the rims of his eyes, some catching in his eyelashes, others rolling down his cheeks. He feels ungrateful, he knows that there are tonnes of people who would kill to be in the position he’s in, travelling the world, a loyal and hilarious fan base and the love of his life by his side. Yet the knot in his stomach aches for home, for waking up in the early afternoon, filming videos and watching movies in the dark his head on Phil’s chest and Phil’s arm wrapped around him. Just him and Phil. No cameras, no security guards, no tour team, no adoring fans. Just Dan and Phil.

It’s with this thought that Dan quietly clambers out of bed. He doesn’t want to disturb the rest of the bus but he longs for home and so he climbs down the ladder of the bunk bed, seeking out the truest definition of him he can think of. When he kneels down next to Phil on the bottom bunk he see’s blue eyes fluttering open.

“Dan?” Phil questions through a yawn. As Phil becomes more conscious he can see Dan staring back at him, his eyes tired, the rims red, his cheeks blotchy and tear stained. He sits up then. “Dan, what’s wrong?”

“I miss home Phil” Dan answers in a muted voice. “I miss being able to hide away from the world”.

Phil takes his boyfriends hands in his own, begins to rub gently across Dan’s knuckles. It tickles Dan notes, but it’s comforting. Everything about Phil is comforting to him.

“I miss that too,” he says simply, he can feel his boyfriend has more to say, he just needs to give him the time to say it.

“But I feel like I’m being ungrateful for how lucky I am. How many people get opportunities like this? Life is so good for us right now”. Dan takes a deep breath, he’s not done but the thoughts in his head a jumbled and scattered and he can’t get out his words.

Phil seems to understand despite this. He pulls gently at Dan’s hand, inviting him the join him on his bunk. Dan quickly obliges, positioning himself with his back against the wall. His hand re-enters the grasp of Phil’s, his head rests gently on the other man’s chest and for a while they lay like that in silence and Dan feels the most at home he’s felt since this tour began. He lets his eyes drift shut, but he does not fall asleep. After what feels like a fair amount of time he speaks again.

“I wish it was just you and me sometimes Phil. I love our team and I love our fan’s, but sometimes I wish we could just hide away the rest of the world, where no one can find us. Wherever we go, I feel like they’re there. I feel exposed, I feel like we’re so exposed. I’m not used to it I guess”. He sighs deeply against Phil’s chest. Phil smells like fresh laundry and the earth and the smell grounds Dan a little.

Phil pulls him brown haired boy closer to his chest, his nose nuzzling in the soft curls. “Dan,” he says it softly, with an affection in his voice that he only uses when talking to Dan or about Dan. “What we’re doing, it’s monumental. It’s bound to drain anyone. We’ve thrown ourselves into such a huge thing. We’re used to only being around one another, in our bubble. Of course it’s going to feel overwhelming. No one would expect you to feel differently”.

“I know, I just wish we were home, just me and you”

Phil lifts his head at this and Dan lifts his to look up at him.

“The way I see it” Phil stops here for a moment, trying to find the best way to say this. He restarts “The way I see it, we’re always going to crave our creature comforts, but home is you. As long as you’re with me” Phil stops again. As true as what he’s saying is he still feels a sense of cringe creep up his spine, causing his cheeks to redden “As long as you’re with me I’ll always be home. I’ll always be where I need to be”

Dan smiles at this. He may not be one for such blunt declarations but there’s something in Phil’s sentiment – and it’s probably that it rings true with him, the reason he came down from his bunk to begin with – that puts Dan at ease.

“There’s nothing I can’t face when you’re with me”.

Dan doesn’t have to say anything back to Phil for him to know that Dan feels it too. Dan’s expression of love – at least in private – is not often verbal. Phil, on the other hand, likes to tell Dan how much he means to him when only his ears are there to hear it.

So they stay like that. The stifling heat of this warm American night keeping them from falling asleep comfortably, the heat of their bodies against each other not helping in the slightest and yet being their greatest source of comfort in this moment. Dan’s head remains on Phil’s chest, their hands intertwined. The rumble of the bus engine the only thing easing the eeriness of the silence and stillness of the room.

Cocooned in Phil’s embrace Dan feels at home.  

 

 

 

 


End file.
